Quattro Zaaaaany!

NO IDEA if this is even funny..(I'm at work and feel that watching this video on the clock may cross the line)... but what a name.. QUATTRO ZAAAAAAANY!!

http://splitsider.com/2010/12/today-in-four-loko-parodies/#more-1891

"One of the great tragedies

of our lives is how much we miss out on because we think there's something more interesting happening wherever were aren't; it is a lesson always learned too late."

--the awl

This Song Will Be Our Demise....

BRILLIANT!




Here are some imporant things to know about "Hey Soul Sister"

"Hey, Soul Sister" was the only rock song to land in the Billboard Hot 100's top 10 this year. This is pretty much proof that rock music is dead, right? We're not gonna tell Nickelback to come back because all is forgiven, but this warm washcloth of facepalmy puns and cutey-poo pukulele might be why Captain Beefheart died.

It's pretty much the whitest song to ever have the word "soul" in it, and that includes Death Cab's "Soul Meets Body." There is less soul in the entirety of Train than in the palest single member of Collective Soul. "Hey, Soul Sister" is soul for people who refer to peanut butter and jelly as "soul food." It makes the California Raisins look like the second coming of Sly and the Family Stone. It's so white, Sarah Palin just named it her running mate for 2012.

At its outset, it sounds like that All-American Rejects song that was popular last year. Remember that one? Here, we just Googled it for you. Train, you owe us 20 seconds of our lives back, and we owe All-American Rejects a cut of our vast F2K10 riches.

The chorus is jacked from an even worse place. "Hey Soul Sister" is an orgy where bad ideas trade STDs, and the most syphilitic brain-fart stumbled in drunk from a Smash Mouth show. (For those of you who arrived late, Smash Mouth was a band from the late '90s that was formed when a soul patch met cake frosting. Their wikki-wikki scratching and dorkpie hats did to music what blood-soaked clowns do to the dreams of sleeping children.) Listen to "Hey, Soul Sister" a few times and you'll inevitably be reminded of the "whistling solo" from the Shrek house band's inescapable "All Star." From Smash Mouth, Train picked up an earworm that burrowed into society's asshole, laid 4.7 million iTunes eggs, and gave birth to a grey cloud of banality that covers the Earth.

The lyrics represent the weird hippie fantasies of a yuppie toolbag. Quoth front-nozzle Pat Monahan: "I just wrote on my computer for a while what I saw as a group of beautiful women at Burning Man dancing around the fire. I've never been there before, but that's what I imagined it would be like." Yes, this song is the result of a grown bajillionaire who dresses like a 19-year-old Dane Cook stan sitting pud-handed at his MacBook and writing fan fiction about the fun times hippie girls have at Burning Man. Dude is like five feet and 10 inches of midlife crisis.

How much do you want to bet that the initial rhyme to the word "direction" in the second verse was "erection," and not "Love Connection"? Because, really. Erection.

It makes hashtag rap look poetic. The references to the '80s in "Hey, Soul Sister"--the untrimmed-chest bit, the Mr. Mister and Madonna name-drops, Love Connection--they're all lazier than Garfield in a lasagna coma. Oh, fuck-now they've got us doing it!

The ukulele. The fuck?

It lowered the bar for blowjob references on pop radio. "Your lipstick stains / On the front lobe of my left side brains"? Congratulations, Flo Rida: You just became the front-runner for the National Book Award (Fellatio Division). When the inevitable "keep Train's song out of our precious commercials" movement sprung up, it was called Stop Advertising From Pulling a Train, which is a better sex joke in that it a) makes sense and b) wasn't sung over a ukulele.

The ukulele player looks like Howie Mandel. I mean.

It was the lone pop song to manage cultural ubiquity in a year when that was pretty much impossible. Think about the last time you were stuck in a long line while making a toilet paper run, or were forced to spend time on hold with somebody who assured you that your call was very important, or forgot to DVR Project Runway so you had to sit through all the ad breaks. You probably heard Pat Monahan's weiner warble at some point. That's because "Hey, Soul Sister" is made for those moments when you're forced to do nothing else but listen to it, and it's just catchy enough to rattle around in your head during that downtime's aftermath, disrupting any activities you actually enjoy.

It's never going to die. You thought "Hey, Soul Sister"'s ubiquity on the adult-contemporary charts was enough for it to live on in Walgreens' white-noise perpetuity? Well, there's a country version of the track as well, with the fiddles and vocal harmonies and slide guitar turned all the way up. Somehow the lyrical reference to Madonna is intact -- c'mon, guys, "Loretta" scans just as well, and if you think hard enough you can probably squeeze a reference to "Fist City" in there!

And just think: When your shitty kid marries someone you violently disapprove of 20 years from now, this song -- with its references to blowjobs and songs that were ground into the ground before the kid was a twinkle in your eye -- will serve as the couple's first dance. As you watch your offspring and new in-law twirl around the dance floor, you will reach for a glass of Champagne Loko (President Kid Rock won't try to ban the stuff until he's up for re-election in 2032) and wonder how everything went so, so wrong.

The 20 Worst Songs of 2010:
20. Far East Movement featuring Ryan Tedder, "Rocketeer"
19. Ringo Starr featuring Joss Stone, "Who's Your Daddy?"
18. Godsmack, "Cryin' Like A Bitch!!"
17. Trade Martin, "We've Got To Stop The Mosque At Ground Zero"
16. Lil Wayne, "Paradice"
15. Susan Boyle, "Hallelujah"
14. Liz Phair, "Bollywood"
13. Christina Aguilera, "The Beautiful People (From Burlesque)"
12. Jackyl Featuring DMC, "Just Like A Negro"
11. NeverShoutNever, "cheatercheaterbestfriendeater"
10. Die Antwoord, "Orinoco Ninja Flow (Wedding DJ's Remix)"
9. Santana featuring Scott Stapp, "Fortunate Son"
8. Ludacris featuring Nicki Minaj, "My Chick Bad"
7. Aaron Lewis featuring George Jones, Charlie Daniels, and Chris Young, "Country Boy"
6. Salem, "Trap Door"
5. Artists for Haiti, "We Are The World 25 For Haiti"
4. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, "Don't Pull Me Over"
3. Cast of Glee, "Loser"
2. Bret Michaels, "What I Got"
1. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"

Louis CK explains it all!

One of those moments in reading...

...when you think, I thought I was the only one who thought this way, and its as if the writer reached out his hand and touched yours for a moment....





I'll just include the article here but its also here


I can't quite recall who it was now—maybe Linford Christie?—but a couple of years back some athlete, having found himself in hard times, recounted his terrible tale of woe and explained that his burdens had become so difficult to bear that he was drinking a bottle of wine a day. The revelation was supposed to illustrate just how far the fellow had fallen, but all I could think was, a bottle of wine a day? I have a bottle of wine with dinner. I absent-mindedly had half a liter of Wild Turkey yesterday before "Monday Night Football" started. Now, sure, I am probably not the world's greatest example of alcoholic restraint here, but I am trying to give a little perspective to my feelings of underwhelmedness on this report that Britain is the drinkiest nation in the world.


Around 84 per cent of Britons are drinkers – way ahead of the lowest nation, India, where just 27 per cent ever have a tipple – compared with the international average of 71 per cent. The survey found nearly one in ten Britons admit to drinking every day, almost twice the number in France. Around 41 per cent of Britons drink regularly, more than our nearest rivals in Australia, 27 per cent, and the international average of 17 per cent.
I mean, are we supposed to be impressed by these statistics? Who doesn't drink every day? And, more importantly, how the hell do they get through life that way? It's unthinkable.

my fave thnksgvng rcp

So you said you can't cook and are in charge of dins this Thursday; you need to give yourself more credit and OWN this jawn. Cooking= throwing some stuff I didn't measure into a pot and setting the timer for 30 minutes. I make one thing for thanksgiving every year; there used to be a recipe but I lost it and following directions is for mnstrmrs. So, here's my SUPER DANK CRANBERRY CHUTNEY. It's pretty tart, and can be served room temp or cold, which is the perfect antidote to the savory/hot fest going on in your mouth.

1 Beer (or 4, whatevs)

1 Box of wine

LCD Soundsystem pandora station

1 cup water

brown sugar

white vinegar

1 bag (or whatever) of cranberries (did you know that Ocean Spray is a co-op of cranberry farmers and one of the country's largest?)

2 apples

Some raisins

Some walnuts

Cinnamon

Allspice

Nutmeg

Ginger

Ok. Open the beer. Put the water into a medium/large saucepan, boil. Cut apples into small chunks. Same with walnuts (like 3/4 cup or so, I like a lot, but whatever you want). Finish the beer. Get another one or start on the wine. Pop cranberries into pot. Same with walnuts, raisins (like a handful) and apples. Now add an extended splash of the vinegar. Not too much, just more than a little. Now add the sugar and stir pretty well (I like about 1/3 cup of sugar; that evens out the bitterness, but if you want it sweet, add like 1/2 or 2/3 cup).

Before you put in the spices, you're gonna need another glass of wine. Ok, so do about a teaspoon of of cinnamon, a heavy sprinkle of the allspice, half that of the nutmeg, and just a pinch of the ginger. Ok, now stir pretty well. Let it boil, then turn down to low and let it simmer for about 30 minutes.

Down a few more glasses of wine and send some txts about how fucking sick LCD is, and how you kinda feel like "Drunk Girls" is the "Leaves of Grass" of our generation.

When the buzzer rings, check on it and stir. You want most of the water to have evaporated-- at this point, there will still be a quite a bit. Simmer for another 10 minutes. Ponder your feelings on Passion Pit; relevant sdtrk for an authentic DP or or neon tween jams?

Stir chutney, simmer five more mins. Decide you are going to text that bro who you're not that into but really wants to bone you just cause like, what else are you doing (besides watching four more episodes of 30 Rock on netflix)?

So when the next five mins is up, turn off the heat and let cool on the stovetop for a while (there will still be some liquid left but that's ok; it will congeal [yum] in the fridge). Pop into glass container (plastic + hot = cancer) and throw in fridge. Let the chutney chill for at least a day before serving; it's both more mild and more flavorful after relaxing for a bit. Also really f-ing good on a turkey sandwich Friday morning.

Love This Article

here

j.lynne

A post about waxing mustaches

I'm not even a little Italian and every six weeks or so I look in the mirror and see a 13 year old Hispanic boy. Before he morphs into Tom Selleck, I reach for the wax and nip things in the bud. I used to go to my local Vietnamese nail place, but once they had me in the chair they would all but force themselves upon my eyebrows too, which I am in no hurry to give up.
So now I do it in the peace of my own home, with a fabulous natural kit by Parissa, a French-Canadian company. (I once tried to do my armpits too, and it was the most painful thing I've ever inflicted upon myself, so I recommend against that).
While we're on the topic of mustaches, my dad's, along with Mr. Selleck's, may be the only non-ironic ones left in the Western hemisphere.

jeans creamin time

That perfect spot in the middle of the Jules/Bruce Venn diagram:




this could barely be better even if it was ELO.

Be Here Now

Whatever people were doing, whether it was having sex or reading or shopping, they tended to be happier if they focused on the activity instead of thinking about something else.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/16/science/16tier.html?src=me&ref=general

Spirit Bear!

Srsly, how cool are bears?

I forget my twitter password!

noooooooooooooooo!!!

“Happiness and the absurd

are two sons of the same earth. They are inseparable.”

Bowing at the altar of Laurie Anderson

FW: You’ve produced an amazing amount of work. What keeps you going?

Anderson: I don’t mean to sound shallow, but it’s the best way to have fun, you know? For me it’s just sort of goofing around. It really is – it’s like “Oh I think I’ll make a cartoon today. No, I think I’ll make a song.”

You know, so when you call yourself this amorphous mutlimedia artist thing, you just do whatever you feel like and people go “oh that’s your work, ok fine,” and that’s how it is.

FW: One last question. As someone who’s been incredibly successful with their work, do you have any advice for those of us living here, holding down three jobs just to pay the rent and trying to find the time to make art?

Anderson: You know when I started being an artist I had this friend who said really irritating things to me. I would say “Look Richie, you don’t understand. I really wanna do my work, but, I’ve gotta pay my rent.

And he would just kept saying “Just do your work.”

And I’d say “No no, Richie, come on, it’s just not practical, I mean I have my rent is due in like a week, I have to be practical.”

And he would just keep saying “Do your work.”

And it made me so mad, but I finally realized what he was saying. He was talking about priorities. What do you really want? What do you put first? If you do your work, and you put all of your best energy into that, everything else will fall into place. And, you know, if you make paying your rent your very first priority, well then it will be harder to do your work. If you want this amazing apartment that looks like an artists loft or whatever, you’ll get that, but you might not be able to do any work because you’ll be putting all your energy into getting that place.

I found that at times very hard to take, but it’s really true. Because you know, it’s trusting yourself. That you have something good to say, and that it’s worth saying. That’s what you have to do as an artist. Nobody else’s really going to do it, everything comes from you.

[free williamsburg]

my dad should write for pitchfork.

I was listening to Devendra's latest album; Dan goes, "Is this Jack Johnson?"

Grizzly Bear, Veckatimest: "Is this Harry Nilsson?"

Also: "what's the name of that band I really like, the guy who plays really interesting music?" He was referring to the Dave Matthews Band.

Dan just sent me an op-ed by Bono from the NYT: "Bono is such a great person."

The New Lexicon of Hip

From Vice....brillz



A couple of nights ago a lot of hipsters on Twitter retweeted someone’s assertion that they were “So sick of the word ‘hipster’. Seems like it’s been ten years of endless articles sneering at young people interested in music, art, fashion, fun etc. as ‘hipsters’, like that’s some sort of strange crime against society.”

Of course, because society has lost it’s mind on the internet, the term has managed to take on an amorphous cultural significance, but in reality, like “scenester” before it, and “fashionsta” before that, “hipster” has simply become as tired and ubiquitous as a pair of jeggings (and footless-tights before them).

Well worry not, because I’ve taken it upon myself to find the heir to the hipster brand. Observe:

Coolies: Incorporating the vital hip, fashion, or trend-like prefix, “coolie” also has an interesting association with red-shirted railway servants and poorly paid laborers. And who among us doesn’t appreciate a slave-like, sweaty adherence to newness and counterculture?

Neatos: It rhymes with Doritos and Wheetos, two extremely cool grain-based snacks, and has the requisite allusion to 1960s slang. A winner by any measure.

Snazzers: It’s been far too long since I heard a piece of graphic design described as snazzy. Which means, according to the great tombola of ironized coolness, that it is just about ripe for a revisit.

Trendster: I like this for a number of reasons. Firstly, it sounds like Friendster, which is surely due for a retro rebirth. Also, we used to call the people who wore Fubu tracksuits and Nike Air Max “trendies” at my school, with the sort of withering disdain only available to a bunch of overweight, middle-class dweebs in flares.

Stylistes: French; it’s sexy, non? Le cool, oui? Absolutement de rigeur, bien sur.

Hepcats: If “hipster” can transcend its 1960s, mung bean-eating, LSD-addled connotations to become a by-word for 21st century youth, then just imagine what we could do with a phrase like “hepcat.”

Funkinistas: I like the combination of cultural signifier, plus Spanish military jargon. It has a nice, hedonistic revolutionary feel to it. I’d probably start using it to describe Rick James, and move on from there.

Fabios: Who doesn’t want to be reminded of a long-haired male model at loggerheads with George Clooney every time they try to describe a new club night?

Slimmers: Over the years I have drawn up a pretty definitive list of what’s cool; sex, drugs, smoking, swearing, booze, and being thin. Sadly, the latter has been overlooked for far too long in the lexicon of cultural analysis and now is the time to right that wrong. Also, the word “slimmers” opens up a whole opportunity for terms like “slim-hard” and “thinsters” for people who try just that little bit too much.

Modals: You see, it sounds a bit like model. As in professionally cool and good looking. Also, it’s kind of a jazz term, and jazz was pretty much the birth of cool. So it’s both shallow and betrays a knowledge of culture beyond what people might expect you to have. Perfect.

NELL FRIZZELL

A note from our Brothers in Christ

"Sisters in Christ, you really have no concept of the struggles that guys face on a daily basis. Please, please, please take a higher standard in the ways you dress. True, we men are responsible for our thoughts and actions before the Lord, but it is such a blessing when we know that we can spend time with our sisters in Christ, enjoying their fellowship without having to constantly be on guard against ungodly thoughts brought about by the inappropriate ways they sometimes dress. In 1 Corinthians 12 the apostle Paul presents believers as the members of one body – we have to work together. Every Christian has a special role to play in the body of Christ. That goal is to bring glory to the Savior through an obedient, unified body of believers – please don't hurt that unity by dressing in ways that may tempt your brothers in Christ to stumble ."

this pretty much goes without saying.

l337 animal bros!

just chillin with my monk bros

beware the banana foot lotion

"I wanted to go to a time when cities were cheap and full of junk, and on every street there was a shop with dusty windows that sold radiograms and soul albums with the corners cut off, or secondhand books that nobody had taken the trouble to value.... Now it's just lattes and bottles of banana foot lotion and it's difficult to see how banana foot lotion will end up producing the Patti Smiths of the twenty-first century; she needed the possibilities of the city, its apparently inexhaustible pleasures and surprises."
-- Nick Hornby on Patti Smith's new book, Just Kids, in the The Believer, June 2010.

Life/Love advice from Street Boners

"Whether he’s shy or scared or a goody-goody, who cares? All of those things suck. Sometimes people under appreciate the beauty of fighting and being ugly and throwing bikes into windows. These qualities, while they might not make us “good,” they do make us human. Do you wanna go out with a person, or do you want to go out with thank you note from my mom? Drop him and see if he balls up to the big balls dinner table."

THROW SOME BIKES!

Ever wonder...

why "we're" all functional alcholics who don't give a shit?

IT'S IN THE NEW YORK TIMES!

Read this and stop feeling guilty about devoting your life to hedonistic nihilism: it's the only thing left to do!

Although I can't help but laugh at the thought of this mainstreamer bro being sad about not getting a "corprate job on the bottom rung of the ladder."

GIMME SOME LONE STAR.

Also, loved the last two posts. Mothersbro inspired in me some optimism. He "gets" it.

More Mothersbaugh Mindfulness....

"I think the really best stuff on the internet isn’t a secret. The really best stuff does get seen. I think the internet is the most positive thing that’s happened in your lifetime. It’s the closest thing to democracy that’s ever existed in human civilization. Now we have to wait for whatever nation it’s going to be that will manage to send a laser into space and knock out every satellite, and then none of us will have any of our photos anymore, or anything that we have written or recorded or transmitted to anyone else, and it will all be gone in one instant. But until that happens, we can all watch YouTube."

We just need to re-define what being human is.

Do you think my generation has a reason to be inspired to be artists?

I think there’s a lot of reasons to be inspired to be an artist and to have a viewpoint about life. Even after 20-some years of grunge music and rap that makes people feel like they have no purpose and that what they think doesn’t matter, I think there’s still plenty of things to be hopeful about and plenty of reasons to want to create change and to want to be part of a positive future.

Fuck the epidemic thing, let’s try something else–maybe we just need to re-define what being human is. I know we’ve just talked about everything negative and the direction the planet’s going in, but at the same time I think now might be a really great time to be an artist and to be a kid.

When I was young I looked at bands and thought, “How do you record an album? How do you get a record deal? What are those things?” And now kids can record music on their phones–it’s a pretty exciting time to be alive.

--- Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo to Vice Blog on our generations chances for experiencin' sumthin real.

On the G20 and protests...

""Bros who ‘didnt graduate from high school’ can unite with ‘unemployed bros who graduated with a worthless degree from an expensive university’ under the same goal: “H8 society for misleading me/leaving me trapped.’"" [via Carles]

UGH... Can we start the revolution already?!

So sick of it all. Lets get gooooing. Whenst you return to the US lets make this happen. I'm sick of talking and blogging. More doing! Check out these guys, old friends from LA that started an art gang, just throw parties with live art / art shows that benefit schools who got their art programs cut / do cool ass shit. http://www.bagavagabonds.com/ Ima make some art work for their next art explosion show... the theme is dream.... I'm thinking something with dreamcicle / creamcicle word play... what do you think?

But yea. They make it happen. Granted they work for cool music magazines like Filter, etc. but still... if they can get shit like it going on LA... we can make it happen in KC or such....

Tweens: Unlocking the Secret: Global Edition

Mollz! I've got sensitive information containing EXCLUSIVE INSIGHTS INTO THE LIVES OF THAI TWEENS!

They like riding motorcycles! They like ice cream! And facebook! Some of them like shopping and some of them like soccer! Some of them are good at school and some of them aren't! The girls wear bows in their hair at school and the boys have kind of sweet alt haircuts! Apparently they think America is pretty cool! They wear Levis!

i'm on the other side of the world

so I'm in Thailand. have been here for about a week although the first five days don't really count because i spent them with 14 other Americans in one of the nicest hotels I've ever stayed at, in Bangkok. Of course right outside the hotel were slums and the like, which I spose is the standard experience of Americans/Europeans abroad. Also there's a 7-11 on just about every corner here where me and the chill bros I met would go every night to get four packs of Chang ("thailand's finest") for about 2 bucks-- sort of tastes like natty light.
Also learned that we're not allowed to be loud, drunk or messy which may mean I'm in for a very long five months. Now that I'm in my host community I likely won't see another Chang before I hit the Bangkok airport on my way out. Also, my host mom literally handed me a hairbrush. Was kind of planning on a chill time in Thailand and then I found myself shopping for business casual clothes in the mall because I have to dress up for school. what the fuck, sort of.

Anyway, it's 98 and humid. I started school today which was pretty fun and hilarious. I was facing about 40 thai tweens and repeating "my name is Emily. how are you?" about 20 times and definitely wondered how the hell I got here. Planning on inundating these kids with some scandalous music at least, just to keep myself entertained. Hoping to meet up with other american bros ASAP but apparently it's rude to travel from your host family or something. I knew the host family would be a tad difficult since in America we demand independence from age 15, but here you pretty much life with your parents forever here if you're not married, and even if you are. Thai culture is ingrained with all sorts of non-verbal signs that I obviously have no idea how to read. Did I mention no one speaks English? Hoping to become proficient in Thai, just for a fun party trick.

It's still new and exciting at the very least-- the market is pretty cool and has all sorts of crazy stuff-- definitely noticed a 14-inch wooden penis carving with stuff written all over it-- made me wish I had a digital camera and that I wasn't with my host mom and her sister. Everyone here rides motorbikes which seem totally badass and I totally want to get one when I'm back in the states.

You should send me your number because I got a hella cheep phone deal going on and i'll give you a call. Wanna meet in LA in late Oct and travel up the coast for a while?

How To Cure Moustache Envy

And it was only fifty cents! But I'm pretty sure a real one wouldn't come off when you puke in your sleep after 11 Milwaukee's Best(s?). So color me still envious.

Our New Best Friends

Das Racist! of the illuminating interview excerpted here.

Am I a bad human being?

So just read the epic plays below. It speaks to me on a level that the theatre never has. I'd like to see this performed in the basement of someone's parents house in Oklahoma or Michigan to really drive home the message.

So after reading that, I decided it was time for a good cry. I found out there are episodes of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, featuring all American metro d00d Ty Pennington. So I picked the first one, but on the "tonight on this episode of..." preview, the family who's life Ty and the team were gunna turn upside down had a kid
with some rare disease where he can't get full and can literally eat himself to death. They had a lock on their fridge. I decided it was entirely too depressing and flipped to an episode about a family that adopted 4 little Kazahkstani kids, one of which is a triple amputee 8 yr old who surfs and runs races.... much more uplifting. Actually, its
wrapping up and haven't even cried but a couple of times...TRIPLE AMPUTEE KAZAKHSTANI ADOPTEE!!.... dear lord, ABC.

I know we discussed this, but I think it bears repeating. While this show is a cryer's porn (and really the only thing that beats it for a good cry is the second half of Titanic. Nothing beats the second half of Titanic) the show is pretty disgusting. Product placement, exploitation of America's struggling, and no delving further into WHY these families are in these situations in the first place. A majority of the families they help can't support their family or fix up their home because all of their money goes to financial bills. People like the hilarious 9 year old born paralyzed from the waist down AND his dad has Lou Gherig's disease. LOU GHERIGS DISEASE!Who has that?! The guy who's son was born paralyzed from the waist down! And they're living on a high school football coach's salary. Geezeus USA. And the really f'ed up part, most of these people who live in homes that are literally falling down, have mortgages. Or two. They're making payments on shitholes! Ah the American dream.

Ugh. How can one ABC family-oriented show simultaneously renew my faith in the human spirit and make me disappointed to have been spit out of a vagina in this land we supposedly should be proud of...

THURSDAY NIGHT: ACT THREE

Scene: the following Sunday night at a karaoke bar, midnight.

ELSA, MADDIE and JENNY are drinking beers after work. SOMEONE is performing the SPICE GIRLS "Wannabe."

ELSA: Jenny, what's the deal with you and Doug? Are you guys, like, togeths?

JENNY: Wellllll, sort of. But I don't know if I really like him... and I sort of have feelings for someone else.

MADDIE: Mmmm-hmmmm.

ELSA: Uh, who?!

JENNY: Well, almost everyone at work knows that Nick and I were sleeping together a while ago...

ELSA: [ahem] oooooooh.

MADDIE: You just need to talk to him about it.

JENNY: Yeah, I don't know...

ELSA: I kinda feel like Nick is one of those people who only want what they can't have.

JENNY: I know. He was in love with a lesbian a while ago.

MARVIN GAYE starts playing from the karaoke stage. ELSA looks to the front of the bar and sees ANDREW singing "Sexual Heeling."

ELSA: Oh god.

MADDIE: Ha! Andrew! Hey, didn't you guys make out a while ago?

ELSA: Uh, yeah.

JENNY: Oh, I remember when Tara told everyone at work!

ELSA: God, i know. I wanted to kill her.

MADDIE: You can't do ANYTHING at that place without Tara telling everyone.

ANDREW finishes singing.

ELSA: I'm gonna go say hi to this guy.

ELSA gets up and goes over to Andrew's table. She puts her hand on his shoulder.

ELSA: Hey.

ANDREW looks suprised and smiles.

ANDREW: Hey! Who are you here with?

ELSA: Just the ladies.

ANDREW reaches to touch ELSA's earrings.

ELSA: Nice work up there.

ANDREW: Thanks. Trying to think of what to do next.

ELSA notices a book on the table.

ELSA: Are you reading Sylvia Plath?

ANDREW: Yeah. I just started it.

ELSA: Don't put your head in the oven.

ANDREW: What?

ELSA: That's how she killed herself.

ANDREW: Don't ruin the ending for me!

ELSA: You should sing ELO next.

ANDREW: I don't know any ELO songs.

ELSA: Fleetwood Mac.

ANDREW: Out of my range.

ELSA: Boston.

ANDREW: Garbage.

ELSA: Animal Collective.

ANDREW: yeah, if i wanted to mumble for four minutes.

ELSA: Prince. Purple Rain.

ANDREW: Yes. I'm gonna go sign up right now.

ELSA gets some beers and brings them back to MADDIE and JENNY.

MADDIE: Ah, your man. You should sing with him!

ELSA: Uh, no.

MADDIE: That would so romantic!

ELSA: Definitely not.

MADDIE: Jen, you gotta talk to Nick.

ELSA: [ahem.] But it's like, do you really wanna have a relationship with that guy? No.

JENNY: Yeah, i know. You know him and Mere used to date, right?

ELSA: Yeah, I did hear that.

JENNY: I just like him because he's passionate... Doug is so logical. Like, the other day he came up behind me in the back room and was like "so how serious are you about this doug guy?" and he texted me the other night at 1 to see if i wanted to come over.

ELSA: Ok. ok. I have to tell you something.

MADDIE: You know something.

JENNY: Tara slept with him.

ELSA: No.

JENNY: You slept with him.

ELSA: [pause] no.

ELSA reaches for MADDIES beer and finishes it.

ELSA: Ok. I have have to tell you. Sister to sister.

MADDIE and JENNY: What is it?!?

ELSA: ok. I haven't told ANYONE this. but you have to know.

PRINCE starts playing from the stage and ANDREW is at the microphone.

ANDREW: This is a little something called Purple Rain, and it goes out to ELSA.

MADDIE: Your man! You have to go up and sing with him.

ELSA: Good christ no.

JENNY: Tell me!

ELSA: First of all, Nick and I have been making out a few times over the past couple months and I also just found out that he like JUST boned Mere.

JENNY: Wow. What?

ELSA: Yeah, I know. We had plans to hang out the other night but didn't, then I found out that Mere was texting him and they'd just boned.

MADDIE: Oh god. I can't believe I've been pushing for this guy. Fuck him.

ELSA: I know. We made out at work like last week. I had no idea he was also playing you.

JENNY: Oh my god. Fuck him. I'm going to make fun of how short he is from now on.

ELSA: Good. Sorry. But I just had to tell you before you dump anyone for him.

JENNY: Yeah, I'm definitely glad you did.


PURPLE RAIN ends. ANDREW walks back to his table. ELSA briefly contemplates going over to say something to him.

JENNY: I'm texting him right now. I won't tell him you told me anything. Fuck that guy.

MADDIE: Yeah, wow. What a douche. You should just make fun of his small hands.

ELSA watches ANDREW walk out of the bar with THE BELL JAR.


JENNY: I'm texting him: "just heard some stories. we can be friends and work together, but absolutely nothing else."

MADDIE: Good work, girl.

JENNY: Kinda feel like dudes are all d-bags?

MADDIE: Not mine! Hey! Where'd your man go, Els?

ELSA: I think he left...


ELSA, MADDIE and JENNY all take sips of their beer.


FIN

THURSDAY NIGHT: ACT TWO

Scene: Andrew's house, 3 AM

ELSA is sipping a beer. ANDREW is carrying a pizza box. They walk into the house. ANDREW'S MOM is on the couch.

ANDREW: Hey Mom. This is my friend Elsa.

ELSA: Oh hi.

ANDREW'S MOM: Hi.

ELSA and ANDREW walk downstairs.


ANDREW: Awk-ward. She has a TV in her room, you'd think she could watch it there.

ELSA: Oh. God.

ANDREW and ELSA sit on a leather couch, and ANDREW turns on the TV, selects the "Ricky Gervais Show" from the digital cable menu and begins to eat pizza.

ANDREW: What are you doing tomorrow?

ELSA: I have to work like, all day.

ANDREW: That sucks.

ELSA: Yeah. What are do doing?

ANDREW: Fucking nothing. Looking for jobs. I just got fired from the record store.

ELSA: Where are you looking?

ANDREW: Best buy, radio shack.

ELSA: Oh. Nice.

ANDREW: I'm too tired to make you popcorn. You want something to drink?

ELSA: Yeah, how about some juice.

ANDREW gets ELSA a glass of orange juice.

ANDREW and ELSA watch RICKY GERVAIS for a while, and when ANDREW has finished a few slices of pizza, he leans over and starts kissing ELSA. ANDREW and ELSA are making out and start taking off each others clothes until they are both naked. ANDREW gets up and comes back with condoms. They begin to have sex. ELSA is on top.

ANDREW: Don't be so loud.

ELSA: I'm not being loud.

ANDREW: The couch, I mean. It's squeaking a lot.

ELSA is too drunk to fully contemplate the fact that this is the opposite of anything she has ever wanted but does feel a vague sense of boredom and hopes ANDREW will finish up soon.

ANDREW eventually comes and ELSA rolls off.

ANDREW: That last condom ripped.

ELSA: You better be fucking kidding.

ANDREW: I am.

ELSA: Worst joke ever.

ELSA gets up to pee. She comes back to the couch and ANDREW is eating pizza and watching the Ricky Gervais Show again. ELSA covers herself in a blanket and briefly wonders what constitutes slapping someone across the face these days.

ANDREW leans over and kisses ELSA.
ELSA's phone vibrates. She reaches for it and reads a text from MERE: "what the hell happened to you guys." ELSA texts her mom that she's sleeping over at her friend's house tonight.

ELSA closes her eyes and sleeps for a moment.

ANDREW: What time do you have to work tomorrow?

ELSA: Eleven.

ANDREW: Mmm. I think I'm gonna drive you home now. You could totally stay over but it's gonna suck way more to drive in the morning.

ELSA tries to stifle a visible smirk and notices she doesn't actually care.

ELSA: Ok.

ANDREW goes into the bathroom and ELSA pulls on her pants and shirt and stuffs her bra in her purse. She finishes the orange juice.

ELSA and ANDREW get into his car and listen to RYAN ADAMS. ELSA used to listen to RYAN ADAMS when she was a freshman in college and think that some of his songs were very romantic and sweet and that RYAN ADAMS must be a pretty senstive guy and that his music might be nice to listen to with another kind, sensitive guy.

ELSA and ANDREW engage in more idle banter on the car ride to ELSA's. ELSA can't wait to be in her own bed, alone.

They pull into ELSA's driveway.

ELSA: Welp, see ya later.

ANDREW: Yeah, I'll see you later.

ANDREW leans over and kisses ELSA.

ELSA: K. Bye.

ANDREW: Bye.


ANDREW pulls out of the driveway. ELSA walks into the house, upstairs to her bed and throws her purse on the ground. She looks in the mirror and notices her FRANK ZAPPA shirt is on inside out.

Thursday Night: A play in three acts

ACT ONE

Scene: 2 am, the bar. MERE, ELSA and ANDREW are ordering their last beers.

MERE: Ah Nick hasn't texted me back.

ELSA: [ahem] oh, [ahem] what?

MERE: I'd texted him earlier and haven't heard from him.

ELSA finds NICK in her phone and texts him: "what. the fuck. don't play me with a friend." and deletes his number.

MERE: K, lets go back to our house or find a party or something.

ELSA: fuck yes. i have to drop my roommates' car off though, I'll drive you to yours and you wanna follow me home and then take me to your house?

MERE: Sure, let's go.

ANDREW: I'll meet you guys there.

MERE, ELSA and ANDREW pound their beers.

MERE AND ELSA go to ELSA'S car. ELSA turns Grizzly Bear up all the way. MERE lights a cigarette.

MERE: I fucking love this album. Actually the last guy I boned before Nick was the one who played it for me.

ELSA: Mmmm, yeah, it's pretty amazing.

MERE: So what about you and Andrew? You guys gonna make out again?

ELSA: uh, no. that was a one-time thing.

MERE: Well he's been talking about you all week. I'm glad you finally came out so he can shut up.

ELSA and MERE arrive at MERE'S house. MERE goes to get her car. ELSA sits in the car listening to Grizzly Bear.

ANDREW swings open the passenger side door, leans over and starts making out with ELSA.

ANDREW: Is this Grizzly Bear?

ELSA: duh.

ANDREW stumbles backward against the door.

ELSA: Wait, where are you going?

ANDREW: Matt's house. you guys should come afterwards.

MERE walks up to the car and hands ELSA three PBRs.

MERE: You left these here last time.

ELSA: Sick.

MERE: Ok, let's go. See ya, Andrew.

ANDREW: Matt's. After.

MERE: Yeah, we get it. We'll be there.

MERE follows ELSA to her parent's house to drop of the car. ELSA goes inside to get some more beer. ELSA gets into MERES car and cracks open a PBR.

ELSA: So, what was going on with you and Nick?

MERE: Eh, we dated a long time ago. Then I was wasted last weekend and called him. He came over, we boned. I was laughing the whole time though, and I think he was pissed.

ELSA: ha. oh. he seems like he has the biggest napolean complex ever.

MERE: UH, yeah. Also that guy has never heard of foreplay.

ELSA: mmm for some reason I can see that.

MERE: Yeah, I was just kind of bored, that's why I even called him in the first place.

ELSA looks at her phone and has 2 missed calls from Andrew. ELSA and MERE arrive at MERE's house. ANDREW and the TWO MATTS are standing in the back parking lot behind the house.

ELSA: you guys want beer?

MERE: it's gross and totally skunked.

ELSA: Yeah right, it's delicious.

TWO MATTS: yeah, sure.

ELSA: Here, you guys can split one.

THE TWO MATTS share a beer.

ANDREW: what the fuck are we doing? is there a party or not?

MATT: the one on orchard got busted, and the one on bayview is just like 4 people sitting around.

ANDREW: fuck this, I'm ordering pizza.

ANDREW orders a pizza.

Idle conversation ensues.

MERE: Ok, what are we doing? Let's at least go inside. It's not even warm out.

ELSA to ANDREW: Are you going to get that pizza?

ANDREW: Yeah, you wanna come?

ELSA: Yeah.

ANDREW: Ok guys, we're going to get the pizza. See you guys in a bit.

ELSA and ANDREW get into Andrews car. ELSA drinks a beer.

ANDREW: I'm like the best drunk driver ever. Like, better than most sober people.

ELSA doesn't really care and mumbles in response. ANDREW is going about 70 on the highway. They arrive at the pizza place and ANDREW runs in to get the pizza.

ANDREW: This is the best pizza in town. You want a piece?

ELSA: I don't eat pizza, I'm vegan.

ANDREW: Fuck you. Do you eat popcorn? I make the best popcorn ever.

ELSA: Yeah, that sounds sick.

ANDREW: Fuck the party. Let's go back to my house, I'll make you popcorn and we can watch the Ricky Gervais show.

ELSA: That sounds good.

ANDREW turns the car around and starts speeding in the opposite direction.

these seem relevant

I'm sending that one to Liz.

Ok. HRO is offish ripping us off.

OR we really need to post our good shit when we do it before others take it.



this picture was posted on HRO the other day along with this article.

Exhibit A: My pinata made for No Age for Coachella 09, filled with cigarettes, candy, and glitter




This is a photo of said pinata being totally destroyed on stage by No Age at Coachella in 2009. So no. Pinatas are not the ultimate tribute to culturally relevant humans. Pinatas WERE the ultimate tribute.... Everyone else is just catching up.

Copy this and send it to all parents and relatives

cause the NYT sez it's ok to fuck around for YEARS after schoolin:


After graduation, I spent five years wandering around doing nothing — or getting as close to it as I could manage. I was a cab driver, an obsessed moviegoer, a wanderer in the mountains of Colorado, a teacher at a crazy grand hippie school in Vermont, the manager of a movie house (who didn’t do much managing), a crewman on a ship and a doorman at a disco.


Thanks, NYT!

PUNK!

Ima be a crusty for halloween

Oh McInnes!

Jello Biafra on hipsters....

“Not since the Nazis have so many people been convinced to look exactly the same.”

L337 Foxz should tour with them...

txt me!

Who will guide us now?

Debriefing: JC at Coachy

I know this is what you've been waitin' for. I'm just gunna come out and say it though, the actual performance was underwhelming. UGH> of course by no fault of Julez's. He played at like 5:30 in the pm on the hottest day ( and I had been sitting in the shade all day! ) so a. it was like super bright. b. it was in this packed ass tent of which we were in the waaaay back. There was no screen, couldn't see shit and it was hot as shit. The music sounded gooood though. And we sang some Xmas t00ns together which was great.

More importantly, your painting was gone along with the other (which I've posted above) and the place was trashed like any good rock star would leave his green room.

Other than that he seemed like a pretty chill bro. And 11th Dimension is just T00 FUCKING G00D!!! H0LY SHI1T!

Oh and your phone call to design his new album cover is gunna come NE second. K33p your phone next to you ALL the time!

HRO calls it Coachy, I call it H-ella.....

A little bit of hell, a whole lotta hipster.
or maybe its the other way around... Ima figure that out and get back to ya.

HRO covered the celeb scene, and now I wish I had better documented the before and after of the band trailers.... they woulda been epic. But something about possessing a picture of Julezs' entourages' shit filled toilet, just seems like 2 much.

Here are some pics, and I'll write more when I process the ridiculousness that is California, indie music, celebrity, and attempts at authentic alt-ness.


my piece for the avett bros. they seem like such nice boys. but its really not fair that some people get looks AND talent...when some of us get none.


pashy pits trailer. apparently they're really into the aquabats... don't really 'get it'

Southy recap.

Tryna play ketchup:

These are the l337est pixs I snapped during the 10 day drunkin haze that was Southy By Losin My Mind West. I think their complete lack of composition or technical photographic skillz render them more 'real' than bl0ggers pixz of Southy. These prove we experienced sumthin real during those daze. We'll look back on that week and know.

Reminds me of sumthin my pal HS Thompson said to me on an acid and ether filled road trip through the desert:

History is hard to know...but even without being sure of "history" it seems entirely reasonable to think that every now and then the energy of a whole generation comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody really understands at the time—and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happens...You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave...

I'm pretty sure he was talking about our week during Southy.

kute/gross/kute

ALSO my roommate is on a "conference call" talking about "interactive media" and "expectations of the product" with a "client" right now, while I am "surfing" "buzz bands" on the world wide web. REAGANS KIDZ UNITE!!

&

i'm obviously going to send this to you anyway. But it does prove that Gauguin= 150 yrs ahead of the curve.

have I shown you this experimental side project post-blogspot core blog yet?

l337tweenshozen

so im watching gr33k. (srsly.) i can't stop. whats teh deal with franny? what a crazy beez. also, the broad who plays casey does a perfect job of playing some annoying bland blonde chick with no personality. it's sick.

ALSO. kinda think cappie and evan represent the reverse construct of the "virgin and the whore" dichotomy. like, i love them both, but i want to have a beach house and aryan babies with evan and like get d at 10 am and homeless with cappie.

LOL at how much the plain white tees suck. seriously, am i snoring or are they playing "rock and roll music"? i think they think they are actual rock stars. i think that to get famous, you just have to suck really hard so sad teens will love your songs about "having an unrequited crush."

Evan to gaybashing omega chi bro: "I don't have the time to teach you tolerance."
BOOSH! I want to know where this world is that guys in frats are not allowed to use the word "gay."

UGH. gehk.

Uhhh. You can't go to Thailand or you gotta be back in time for our trip to Chicago.
http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2010/03/stokes_confirme.html

World To People:

"MONEY IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!"

I made the mistake of reading this, then puked.

Where's the chart of professions of "people who are fucking awesome", drink PBR at 10 am on a Tuesday and lie to their grandparents/bosses/parents' friends about their life goals/career plans/relationship status?

Cause THOSE people are winning at life.

RE: lost generationz

defeated? resigned? no fuckin way, broad.

"Mothers, don’t let your children grow up to be hipsters. We are a lost generation, desperately clinging to anything that feels real, but too afraid to become it ourselves. We are a defeated generation, resigned to the hypocrisy of those before us, who once sang songs of rebellion and now sell them back to us. We are the last generation, a culmination of all previous things, destroyed by the vapidity that surrounds us. The hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture so detached and disconnected that it has stopped giving birth to anything new."


I used to believe this, that our world was over and we were nothing but vultures picking at its rotting corpse... but I really don't anymore. The things that have formed our culture might be dead and dying-- sincerity, huge record labels, hypercapitalism, etc, but there are new, better things popping up in their stead. Self-awareness, self-distribution and small, community oriented projects are growing out of the ashes of those bloated tenets of our modern era.

I don't really know what hipster means in 2010, but in 1959 it meant someone who listened to jazz, liked drugs and wrote/read things that used the word "fuck." I have a feeling that when we say hipster we mean people who listen to noise/folk/punk/jazz, like drugs and read/write things that use the word "fuck." In much of the discourse that labels itself "concerned with American ideals", you'll come across phrases like "standing for something", "hard work" and talk of "freedom" "bravery" and "prosperity." Simultaneously, you'll notice that our armed forces kill civilians around the world with a frequency that suggests they enjoy it, while our elected officials have left a fifth of the children in their own country to live in poverty. And this is largely thanks to that "peace and love" generation who later built corporate America over former farms and forests and parked their SUVs in the driveway.

So if we are defeated, it's because we recognize the gross mismanagement of funds and passion by the people who call themselves leaders of the free world, and if we are destroyed it's because we don't know how to change that. Instead, we throw pebbles into the void, listen to noise/folk/punk/jazz, like drugs and read/write things that use the word "fuck." The more people who opt out of our modern corporate nightmare, the fewer bombs dropped in its name. "Hipsters" might not "stand for anything," but they've got my vote.

s00000 ghey for these bros

[when i was younger, i wanted to have 5 kids and name them for each member of the strokes. nick and nicolai could get confusing.]

Creative powers unite!!!

Check out this band
Kinch
and let me know what you think. They requested a tshirt
design from me and I read their band name came from a
James Joyce album. So of course I turned to you, my most
literary of friends, for help... Any imagery / ideas
you can throw my way. And of course any money / fame that
comes my way as a result, I will split with you 50 / 50 .

So far my only idea is a shirt that says "cookies are never
a bad idea"
Feb 4th Entry

LETS DO THIS AND GET PAID FOR BEING US!

teh strokezz

Gavin McInnes from street carnage tells the strokes haterz to fuck off:

I personally never understood someone complaining about someone else having money. Music snobs vilified The Strokes because they came from money. The singer’s father owns a modeling agency and therefore their songs suck. The people who did this complaining were middle class kids from small town America who moved to New York for exactly the kind of scene The Strokes created. The real beef with these bands is “They made something and I didn’t so they must have cheated.”

Finally!

still don't get Vampire Weekend though.

Azn Caucazn?

I just ordered a delicious bahn mi sandwich from a food cart across from my work. And couldn't help but notice the description of the French colonization of Vietnam as creating the tastiest sandwich on earth.... Is it wrong to eat bahn mi?! Am I legitimizing white dudz with money and their quest to impose their douche bag-ery ways on the rest of the lowly world? Is this a slippery slope I'm falling down? Will I be dating a d00d in Ed Hardy next week? And shooting mixd cocktail shots at Lanai Rooftop Lounge? (pictured above in all its douchey glory.) I need help Emz....

Mr. Manny Coon

Thanks for making my dreams come true, guys!

I'll just leave you with this until I have more time to post...

"I can tell I'm amongst friends. And I'm gonna be a friend. I'm going to shake each and every hand out there. Because I'm not just a rock and roller. I'm a fan too. Because I've met famous stars. And, frankly, most of them are dickheads." - Lips, Anvil.

Reason No. 237

... that young alts (what the hell are we called?) should not live at home:

Accidental exposure to weepy "contemporary adult alternative."

My roommates like pretty good music for the most part, but sometimes some maverick Starbucks compilation from 2004 sneaks into the shuffle, and the other day I was subjected to the criminally maudlin tripe of Five For Fighting's (srsly, what the fuck) "One Hundred Years."

And I was like, "this guy totally gets it."

Sorta wonder if Franzia is the next relevant alt beverage.

Clearly we're ahead of Carles for once...

My Roommates

Whenever you move into a new living situation, it takes some time to adjust to the quirks of your co-habitants. I'm still getting used to mine-- one of my roommates is always asking me to vaccuum and the other one thinks Ray Romano "gets it."

Sometimes we have dinner together. Here's an excerpt from a recent conversation around the dining room table:

The topic: Tiger Woods.


adrienne: well, he's still a good role model for college students who want to sleep with 14 women.

daniel: I doubt any college guys sleep with 14 women. I never knew any college guys who were into that.

emily: uuuuh, yes college kids are still into that.

daniel: today?!?! even with AIDS??!

emily: uuum, yeah.

daniel: well, if you sleep with one person, it's like you're sleeping with all the people they've slept with.

adrienne: kids today are probably more worried about... what are they called... STSs.

daniel: SDS! students for a democratic society.

emily: [cringe/chuckle/kill me plz]



But, Dan likes Fleet Foxes and Adrienne buys me beer, so I guess I can't complain.

Re: Crash and Burn

So what's a TOTALLY creative, complete renaissance girl Reagan's kid to do?

Well, you already answered your own question with that one. Go out and get laid anyway!

As your sister in living rent free/jobless/just tryna experience something real, grrrrl have I been there.

When criticism from the world at large (parents, other family members, clueless friends, etc) arises, I like to do two things: 1) look at their lives, and ask myself if that's something I aspire to, and 2) reach into my arsenal of humans who I do think lived badassedly ie the way I wish to live in general, and ask myself what they would think. More often than not, I think that they would be like, "fuck yeah. I never had a real job or a mortgage either!" If Allen Ginsberg ever walked up to me and was like, "what the hell are you doing? stop it!" I sure as shit would. Until then, I'm gonna keep believing that what I'm doing (or not doing) is ok because I'm ok with it.

Kinda just think that the world is full of people who just don't "get it" (as illustrated by the fact that the world is falling the fuck apart), so I'm not too quick to get down on one who decides to say "f that shit" and avoid the trappings of modern life at all costs.

Personally, I think your response of the creative realm being different is completely valid. The problem is that our dumb world places value on monies more that anything else so it's hard for people normalized by this culture to see the other things you've "earned" this year: an awesome portfolio, great experience and lots of contacts.

Maybe just in the interest of preserving your rent-free way of life for the time being, it would be worth having a sit down with the roommates and telling them your plans and your reasons for your life choices, internship, etc. All parents really want is their kids to have some idea of what they want to do, and surprisingly think that their kids are totally clueless. I've had SO many convos with my madre re: this topic, while I am FREAKING out because I can't do what I want to do and stress about "the future" ALL the time, while she's asking me if I ever think about "the future."

So yeah. You just gotta like do what you wanna do, while attempting to keep the roommates happy. Sucks that they don't understand the world, so you gotta do your best as a liason. Also, if you are interested in earning dollars, is there any after-school art program or something you could work at? Maybe not with li'ls, but high school kids could be fun.

(just read Dan Savage and am feeling all advice columny, apparently.)

Welp, I'm about to go to an interview for a barrista job! Hopefully my future co-workers will be 19 and hot.

Crash and burn.

So yesterday after our epic phone chat (luvd it!) my day took a nose dive. I was getting my shit together to head to a lovely girls night of munchin korean raw salad, sippin wine, and generally shooting the shit with 3 of my awesome girl friends when the ole landlord stopped by my room, and more or less informed me that the last year of my life was 'wasted on my social life' and that when I look at the fact that I've gone 1 year, 8 months with-out a paying gig or "career job" and think 'AWESOME AS FUCK' they think 'our daughter is a failure who will never be able to get a job in 'the real world' because Big Brother Corp, Inc. won't hire anyone who's just sat around for 2 years since school doing nothing.' Uhhh. Thanks for the support 'rents.

Anyhow. Sooo. Now I feel like shit for just living. Somehow my worthless brother just usurped me as the non-fuck up child because he has a mindless cubicle job that just happens to be at a semi-cool advertising agency (read: still evil just with hip glasses on) and took out a loan for a downtown condo he'll be paying off for the rest of his straight-pathed life.

I tried to reason that in a 'creative field' these things don't matter, but they've 'been around for over 50 years'. My comeback of "Exactly. You can't even turn on a computer" didn't go over so well.

What's a semi-creative, renaissance girl wannabee, product of the 80s to do?
(apparently go out anyway and get laid.)

More Julez!

From New York Magazine.

dispatches from my second adolecence

it's freezing here, I don't have any friends within 600 miles and even the thought of ever getting beard burn after a solid night at the bye and bye again is a cruel joke at best.

Living at home is a shit sandwich with a tall glass of humility, a side of basic needs being met and some extra cable on the side-- hold the panic.

so far I've been waking up every day at noon, filling out applications for barrista jobs if I feel like it while trying not to kill myself as I fill in my college degree under "education," collaging my head off, working on a clothing line, renting french new wave flix from public lib, and watching arrested development/my so called life on hulu until 4 in the morning.

not bad.

jeans creamin, again...

We should just change the name of this blog to "we heart Julezzz!!!!!1111111" and get it over with. This man is magic. The video is so campy and over the top but somehow he pulls it off with sincerity. The sun sets of the day of lo-fi. And it sounds s0000 good.
Happy new year!