How To Cure Moustache Envy

And it was only fifty cents! But I'm pretty sure a real one wouldn't come off when you puke in your sleep after 11 Milwaukee's Best(s?). So color me still envious.

Azn Caucazn?

I just ordered a delicious bahn mi sandwich from a food cart across from my work. And couldn't help but notice the description of the French colonization of Vietnam as creating the tastiest sandwich on earth.... Is it wrong to eat bahn mi?! Am I legitimizing white dudz with money and their quest to impose their douche bag-ery ways on the rest of the lowly world? Is this a slippery slope I'm falling down? Will I be dating a d00d in Ed Hardy next week? And shooting mixd cocktail shots at Lanai Rooftop Lounge? (pictured above in all its douchey glory.) I need help Emz....